What’s at the very bottom of your negative core belief (you might be shocked)

Jordin James
5 min readMay 28, 2018

We all have unconscious core beliefs that hold us back from living a happy life. These beliefs have such a hold on us, like a thick root twisting around our intestines and plummeting deep into the darkness of our hearts.

In a session with my shaman the other day, we went to the very bottom of one of my roots in a vision. This is what I found.

My core belief (root) was, “I need to harden myself otherwise I’ll get hurt.”

My inner child, who was around 12 years old, met me on the root (literally on the root since it was big enough to stand on). She met me deep enough down that we were completely surrounded by the darkness of my heart.

She was a smart girl, and knew this root well. She said she was going to lead me to the very bottom, to the source.

As we got deeper, the root branched out into hundreds of tiny roots. From these tiny roots, tall shrubs grew to block our vision, turning into a maze of shrubs, much like the final maze of the Tri-Wizard Tournament in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

Luckily my inner child knew the way.

We reached the center of the maze where a table stood with a simple locked box on its surface. It was pretty underwhelming and empty. No monsters, no spiders, no devils, and no skeletons. Just a box sitting on a table.

“Here’s the key,” said my inner child, handing me a small skeleton key.

Then Vishiti, the blue skinned four-armed woman who represents my wisest self, emerged from the shadows to watch as I unlocked the box.

I put the key in the box, halfway hoping that something big and scary was going to pop out of it since that would at least be evidence that the source of my negative core belief really is something scary. After all, it would be silly to build my life around a belief whose source is just a box sitting on a table.

Well, it wasn’t just a box sitting on a table. But it wasn’t anything scary, either.

Out of the box came an interesting contraption. It looked exactly like a spine and rib cage, but it was made of shiny silver metal and was big enough to fit around my body. It had handles on it, like the controls that stick out from a jetpack.

I put the clunky thing on, and it felt very familiar. That’s when I realized this contraption wasn’t the source of my core belief, it was the defense mechanism I created out of it.

It was my hardened spine.

My fake spine. Because I didn’t believe my own spine was enough to protect me. My own spine had failed me too many times already, so in my determination to protect myself from the pain I felt, I created this hard, metal spine. It was clunky, but at least it was armor.

It didn’t take me long to take it off and throw it to the side. Once I saw it for what it was, I couldn’t go back to using it. It was too big, ultimately a hindrance to movement, play, and dance, three things I’m learning to value over clunky defense mechanisms.

So that was it?

I traveled all the way down to the bottom of this root only to find this stupid metal spine in the middle of my darkness?

What was I supposed to do now?

When it was clear I was done with the metal contraption, my inner child approached me and said, “Here, take this instead.”

In her hand she held a heart. Not like the cute shape on Valentine’s day cards, like the gory, pumping organ. And it was glowing. It was glowing so much I could hardly make out what it was at first; the details were completely bathed in light.

But I knew what it was.

I opened my hands to receive the gift. As she placed the heart of light into them, lightning struck me from all corners of the darkness, jolting my body with a surge of white electricity. And it just kept going.

I was mesmerized by the sensation and felt myself spinning upward, floating into the cosmos. Then, amidst the dark smoky backdrop, I saw Vishiti sitting on a giant throne of stone, surrounded by lighting herself. She was wearing a crown and holding a golden trident; the spitting image of ultimate authority, wisdom, and truth.

She extended her trident toward me and boomed with a voice that shook the darkness, “I declare you worthy!”

I couldn’t accept her light in my darkness then. Not fully, at least. But that’s okay, it was a massive step toward healing my negative core belief that I need to harden myself so I won’t get hurt.

But as I’m writing this, as more cycles have unfolded in my life, I’m starting to believe it more and more. This is my journey, to set aside my ego-made contraptions, accept the heart of a child, and find my worthiness. This is all of our journeys.

So, in case you were wondering, here’s what’s at the bottom of your core belief…

  • Your clunky self-made defense mechanisms.
  • Your glowing, brilliant heart.
  • A declaration that even in your deepest darkness, YOU ARE WORTHY.

Join me in throwing aside the clunky contraptions your ego clings to, accepting your childlike heart, and living in your worthiness.

If you’re interested in digging deeper into the moment your core belief formed, check out my free healing guide which will walk you right up to the moment you became twisted, and show you how to untwist it. Check it out here.

Originally published at ourweirdlives.com on May 28, 2018.

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Jordin James

Parts work coach, writer, tender lil human. Replacing loneliness with belonging, one part at a time. Find more: Jordinjames.com // Socials: @justjordinjames