The Thoughts I Think While High on Mushrooms

Real excerpts from my journal that I wrote down while high.

Hey whats up it’s Jordin. I took about 1.5 grams of shrooms and had myself a little trip. This amount of shrooms is a little more than a microdose experience but not quite a full-on mushroom trip for me.

Some interesting thoughts came out of my trip, and I want to share them with you in their raw format. They came in bits and spurts, which is why I broke them up into different sections in this article.

I’ll have some commentary throughout, which will be in this italicized font. But I’ll try to keep my commentary to a minimum, only if it serves for enhancing what was alive in me at the time I wrote the words down.

Mushrooms have been calling to me for awhile. So I decided to take them up on their invitation for my attention and see what they had to teach me.

I took the mushrooms and then I wrote this in the notes in my phone:

I dedicate today’s trip to Happiness.

Love and Grace and Play, please meet me here and teach me your ways.

Following is everything I wrote down in my journal and on my notepad in my phone while I was putting together a puzzle and tripping :)

4/4/21 MUSHROOM SPECIAL

Okay okay okay

I had some shit I wanted to write down.

I’m such a lil jourlnaler (sp?). That is so fucking cute of me.

Mainly this. That I get to choose what kind of trip I want to have. The mushrooms were just like hey whats up glad to be here now what would you like?

And I was like uhhhh you mean I get to choose what kind of trip I get to have?

And they were like of course. You always have. You have full control of your own experience.

And I was like fuck I guess I do.

They were like yeah this is what you’re learning right now. You experience what you look for.

Every thought builds momentum. You choose the momentum you want to build.

But it’s not in the traditional “positive” and “negative” sort of way. It’s in the — “are you running away or towards your experience of this moment” sort of way. AND even deeper it is in a — “Are you serving life or not” sort of way. That’s a more accurate way to put it.

I feel more myself on mushies. Like this is who I would be — or who I am — underneath the weight of my personality.

Who keeps shoulding me to go outside?

Also who says puzzling isn’t enough rn?

I want fun things rn actually. I am so grateful I get to choose.

I choose to send so much love to those parts that are shoulding on me and then to go about my merry way.

So much love to the zitties on my face. And to my tummy. And to lil boobies :)

And to my super silky hair. And my suuuuper smooth skin. My lovely eyes and skin tone and feet and arms and hands and knee and basically all the parts of me. I love you. I love you body. I choose you.

I’m not taking shrooms to search for happiness and that feels so nice. Like. I am already happy.

Your thoughts do matter.

But don’t freak out about it.

It’s worse to freak out about your thoughts than to let yourself be.

No matter who you are, good momentum is all around you. Good momentum is always inviting you to have a conversation with it.

You get to choose the conversation you have with this moment.

Even “this moment” had become some concept. No. Not that concept. Not the fingers pointing to the moon. The moon. This actual moment.

You are writing. You are breathing. Music is playing. You are in your body. You are alive. Come back home to this.

OMG I just realize I’ve been writing upside down this whole time. This is that journal.

(I literally had been writing in my journal upside down for months and just now noticed I had put it in the outer jacket wrong.)

Shit that’s exciting. We can put all sorts of upside down shit in here. I want to write in all my journals upside down now.

OMG. I am totally going to do that. To mark my new chapter of my life. To mark my rebirth.

Funny how I always want that Phoenix tattoo when I am dieing. When I’m reborn I just breathe. And that’s enough.

I love my cycles.

I love how my cycles are always leading me to happier and happier places.

I love that my cycles have led me here.

Gratitude is taking me on a journey and I am fucking here for it.

I am so grateful for the story of my becoming.

People are searching for the words. I want to give them the words. I think this is what I am here to do. I am here to learn how to communicate about the human experience.

The conversation I am here to have it between humanity and the words themselves.

Fuck.

I love forgetting and then re-remembering what I’ve forgotten. It feels both like home and something novel.

That’s how I feel every time I return to presence.

I spent a lot of time looking outside and then finally got my jacket and went out. It felt really odd being in the real world. I felt like a ghost or a spirit floating around. I was surprised when people noticed me like, “Omg they can see me??”

Since I was on the go, all the rest of my notes I wrote down on my phone.

What it took for me to get here. I am grateful for every second of it.

So turns out I can just decide what I want and then go get it and actually have it. Like. I have it now. Who woulda thought.

Wait. I can control my own experience. I have full control over how I experience life. Life is a dream. And I am now lucid.

My parts are still unsure of how we fit into this world. And I love them for it. Let’s figure this out together!

Omg I almost just stepped out into traffic. Josef would have killed me hahaha

My boyfriend is always giving me shit for just walking out into traffic. Yep. I’m that annoying pedestrian. Woops.

I look back and I don’t really see bad and good anymore. I see poetry. And I am grateful for every stanza.

You have full control over your own experience. That’s the secret. That’s the fucking secret.

OMG THATS THE SEVENTH SWORD! The secret! Fucking wooooooooooow. Sooo good. I knew it was going to be good and you guys man you guys really delivered on that one. Also something about how that rat is a guide. The rat for greed and for discontent for all that is not here. It is a guide to the inversion of looking for everything that is here. Two of wands about determination and direction absolutely.

This one requires a little more explanation. Before my trip I had drawn three cards. The first was the Seven of Swords and it had a picture of six swords floating above a fox that was laying on the seventh sword. The fox had one eye open and one eye closed. This card represented secrecy.

I pulled this with my boyfriend and I was like omg is there something you’re not telling me? Haha. It was a thing for a second. But then I pulled three more cards.

I pulled a card asking what the seventh sword represented. I don’t remember exactly the card I pulled but it represented confidence.

Then I pulled a card about what the fox represents. I pulled the four of cups which represents greed and discontent.

Then I pulled a card that represents what I need to focus on moving forward. And it was the two of wands that represented determination and direction.

So what clicked on my trip is the “secret” I was hiding from myself was that I have full control over my experience because I can control what I look for and I experience what I look for.

What was blocking me from this secret was greed and discontent which represents me always looking for what isn’t here and what I don’t currently have. Basically it represents a lack of gratitude and appreciation.

And the way forward is to focus on the direction of looking for the good that is around me. The direction of gratitude. That’s how I unlock the secret to life.

At the dog park walking slow because it’s weird to just stand there.

This was all I could write down because I was feeling so much. There’s a dog park by my house where I walk to and watch the dogs play. It brings me so much joy to watch all the foofs foofing around.

But it also brings me pain. Because I used to have two huskies that I absolutely loved and still do deeply back when I was married. In my transition away from my married life, I had to leave my dogs behind and this saddens me a lot.

Back when I was married, I spent a whole lot of time at dog parks with those two dogs.

On this trip I got this sense that I needed to say goodbye to that past life of mine on another level. So this sentence of walking slow by the dog park was both about how it is weird in real life to have someone outside of the dog park just standing there by herself creepily watching all the dogs play. But it was also about how it felt weird for me to stand there and revisit my past life — my past self.

I had to keep walking. I had to keep moving. I had to say goodbye to who I used to be so I can embody who I am now.

And that’s it for this trip! If you want more of this kind of stuff, just let me know. Mushroom Jord would be happy to oblige :)

I write from my raw experience. If my words give something to you, I am open for donations at cash app $justjordinjames and venmo @jordinjames.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store