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I help you become your own best friend. Coach & Writer. Trauma-informed. IFS. IG + Twitter: @justjordinjames

Your yearning is your unraveling

Photo by Danie Franco on Unsplash

Where is that place in your body where you are most you?
Where is that place inside of you that cannot be bottled up and packaged?
Notice your reluctance to find it

It's that feeling you get when you’ve found the path
No matter how steep
No matter what it requires of you
You know it leads home

But all at once, you are reluctant to follow
Because home is where everything catches up to you
So instead you divert your eyes
You forget what you know
You unsee what you’ve seen

You protect yourself from your own yearning
Because you…

The dance between anger and empathy when healing from narcissistic abuse.

Photo by DANNY G on Unsplash

Healing from narcissistic abuse is one of those journies where one piece of advice can be super helpful at one point, but can be detrimental at another.

When I went no contact with my narcissistic father at age 16, I needed a good long while where I believed narcissists were monsters. Like, years.

I was afraid that if I saw any common humanity in him, all my empathetic parts would take over and drag me back into a relationship that would only do me more harm.

Why the fear of too much empathy is a legitimate concern for survivors of narcissistic abuse.

Too much empathy is a legitimate concern for survivors of narcissistic abuse, especially for…


What was happening inside of me as I was crying in my boyfriend’s arms after sex.

Photo courtesy of the author.

I had some amazing sex last night.

It was intimate and slow but also passionate and fiery.

But then I had this familiar feeling.

“I think I need to cry,” I told Josef.

My crying after sex isn’t abnormal and Josef is always so tender and welcoming of all my parts. He folded me in his arms as I let it all out.

Many times, I cry tears of relief after sex. Like how did I make it from where I’ve been to here? How did I make it to this safe, loving place? How is it possible for me…

Go from stagnation and self-criticism to courageous action and deep self-love.

Photo by Slava on Unsplash

Are you ready to courageously move forward in your life in a way that allows all parts of you to feel loved, cared for, and deeply aligned?

You’re in the right place.

I can’t tell you how often I speak with people who are feeling stuck and overwhelmed in their lives, despite feeling like they are doing everything they can to heal the patterns that are keeping them stuck.

They tell me…

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I am trying so hard to heal from my past, but I’m not seeing any progress — especially in my relationships…

A trauma-informed approach to building the life of your dreams.

Photo by Seven Shooter on Unsplash

Can we all agree that making outward changes in our behavior is hard as fuck? It requires us to let go of old creature comforts while at the same time we have to navigate a new way to exist in the world.

Not to mention it puts us face to face with our trauma and the behavior patterns we’ve used to survive our trauma. Because of how we’ve survived in the world through our trauma, making outward changes away from our survival patterns can literally feel like we are going to die or be completely abandoned.

It’s hard. It just…

How the wounded masculine rules the inner system of many Enneagram Type 3s and what to do about it.

Photo by Keagan Henman on Unsplash

Us Enneagram Type 3s have survived by exiling the parts of ourselves society doesn’t consider admirable, and bolstering the parts of ourselves that society does deem admirable.

Unfortunately for us, our society is run by the patriarchal wounded masculine. This means we have been taught to value what the wounded masculine values and hate what the wounded masculine hates.

Since Enneagram Type 3s find their worth through achieving success in whatever society values, many parts of us have had to take on the energy of the wounded masculine to help us survive.

This has looked like…

Exiling our emotions.

This really boils down…

It’s been hard to love my small boobs my entire life. Here’s how that is changing.

Photo courtesy of the author.

Sometimes I feel re-traumatized after sex because it puts me so close to the shame I hold about my body.

Sometimes I have to imagine myself as someone with bigger boobs in order to enjoy sex. Sometimes I have to take myself out of my imagination completely and, in my mind’s eye, watch another woman with bigger boobs enjoy herself.

It is highly enjoyable but when the lights come on, I return to my body, to my small boobs, to the me that is not deemed worthy enough to be in my own fantasies.

This is the dynamic of the…

When is it more healing to stay and work it out, and when is it more healing to cut bait?

Photo by Allan Dias on Unsplash

Back when I was considering getting a divorce, the advice I heard again and again was:

“Your relationship problems are going to follow you in every relationship unless you work through them. If you don’t work through them in this relationship, you’re just going to have to work through them in the next one.”

I still got a divorce.

And you know what? My relationship problems did follow me into my next relationship. I knew full-well they would. But ya’ll. I am so glad I am working out my “relationship problems” with my current partner instead of my ex-husband.


Jordin James

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