Where is that place in your body where you are most you?
Where is that place inside of you that cannot be bottled up and packaged?
Notice your reluctance to find it
It's that feeling you get when you’ve found the path
No matter how steep
No matter what it requires of you
You know it leads home
But all at once, you are reluctant to follow
Because home is where everything catches up to you
So instead you divert your eyes
You forget what you know
You unsee what you’ve seen
You protect yourself from your own yearning
Healing from narcissistic abuse is one of those journies where one piece of advice can be super helpful at one point, but can be detrimental at another.
When I went no contact with my narcissistic father at age 16, I needed a good long while where I believed narcissists were monsters. Like, years.
I was afraid that if I saw any common humanity in him, all my empathetic parts would take over and drag me back into a relationship that would only do me more harm.
Too much empathy is a legitimate concern for survivors of narcissistic abuse, especially for…
I had some amazing sex last night.
It was intimate and slow but also passionate and fiery.
But then I had this familiar feeling.
“I think I need to cry,” I told Josef.
My crying after sex isn’t abnormal and Josef is always so tender and welcoming of all my parts. He folded me in his arms as I let it all out.
Many times, I cry tears of relief after sex. Like how did I make it from where I’ve been to here? How did I make it to this safe, loving place? How is it possible for me…
Are you ready to courageously move forward in your life in a way that allows all parts of you to feel loved, cared for, and deeply aligned?
You’re in the right place.
I can’t tell you how often I speak with people who are feeling stuck and overwhelmed in their lives, despite feeling like they are doing everything they can to heal the patterns that are keeping them stuck.
They tell me…
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I am trying so hard to heal from my past, but I’m not seeing any progress — especially in my relationships…
Can we all agree that making outward changes in our behavior is hard as fuck? It requires us to let go of old creature comforts while at the same time we have to navigate a new way to exist in the world.
Not to mention it puts us face to face with our trauma and the behavior patterns we’ve used to survive our trauma. Because of how we’ve survived in the world through our trauma, making outward changes away from our survival patterns can literally feel like we are going to die or be completely abandoned.
It’s hard. It just…
Us Enneagram Type 3s have survived by exiling the parts of ourselves society doesn’t consider admirable, and bolstering the parts of ourselves that society does deem admirable.
Unfortunately for us, our society is run by the patriarchal wounded masculine. This means we have been taught to value what the wounded masculine values and hate what the wounded masculine hates.
Since Enneagram Type 3s find their worth through achieving success in whatever society values, many parts of us have had to take on the energy of the wounded masculine to help us survive.
This has looked like…
This really boils down…
Sometimes I feel re-traumatized after sex because it puts me so close to the shame I hold about my body.
Sometimes I have to imagine myself as someone with bigger boobs in order to enjoy sex. Sometimes I have to take myself out of my imagination completely and, in my mind’s eye, watch another woman with bigger boobs enjoy herself.
It is highly enjoyable but when the lights come on, I return to my body, to my small boobs, to the me that is not deemed worthy enough to be in my own fantasies.
This is the dynamic of the…
Back when I was considering getting a divorce, the advice I heard again and again was:
“Your relationship problems are going to follow you in every relationship unless you work through them. If you don’t work through them in this relationship, you’re just going to have to work through them in the next one.”
I still got a divorce.
And you know what? My relationship problems did follow me into my next relationship. I knew full-well they would. But ya’ll. I am so glad I am working out my “relationship problems” with my current partner instead of my ex-husband.