You were born with an essence and with a bunch of parts that help your essence participate in your humanity. Your essence is the life force inside of you. It is your soul and what makes you feel most alive. All you are ever looking for is to reconnect with your essence the way you did as a child before your parts had to twist to protect you. More on this later.
Your parts help you get your needs met. They help you get food, love, and everything else you need to survive. …
I’ve spent much of the past year vigorously studying the Internal Family Systems framework for healing — reading countless books, taking all the online courses I can get my hands on, and practicing it with myself and my clients.
Now, being a year in, I can realize the newbie mistakes I used when I was first implementing the IFS framework toward my own healing. I’m sharing these mistakes with you so you can have the opportunity to expedite your IFS learning without having to make the same mistakes I did.
Most of the polarities in my inner system have a…
I went no-contact with my narcissistic father at age 16.
At that time in my life, there was nothing healthy to turn to that could fill the space my father used to take up in my life, which caused me to feel lonely and lost. But it was clear enduring the loneliness was far better than having his influence in my life.
I struggled with my mental health through the rest of high school and college. Having unhealthy relationships with men (surprise, surprise) and trying to figure out why I still felt so lonely all of the time.
Every person’s life is a conversation between the Divine and Humanity. We participate in our unique conversation with the choices we make, what we choose to believe, how we relate to others, and the strategies we use to get our needs met.
How we hold the conversation of our life has the potential to lead us to the life of our dreams or to lead us to a life of inner torment. …
I want to get one thing clear: We don’t “sabotage” our happiness. We protect ourselves from it.
When our inner systems are still living in survival mode, happiness is perceived as a threat. Happiness does not help us survive, after all, and it opens us up to a level of vulnerability that can feel life-threatening.
I can imagine the elders of our ancient hunter-gatherer tribes gathering all the children around the fire. “Do you know why your uncle got eaten by that tiger?”
“He became too happy.”
Too carefree. He felt too safe in the world. And you know what…
You are another me.
What does the me of my experience
have in common with the me of your
What does it mean to be “me”?
There is nothing to fear when I see you as another me.
There is nothing to compare when I see you as another me.
Because I have been you I will be you.
My job is to be me this time.
My job is to have my conversation with god.
My job is to support all the other mes
out there in their conversation with god.
I want to celebrate with all the other mes.
I want to live life…
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a framework for our inner world that was developed by therapist Richard Schwarts. It has been a total game-changer in my own personal healing as well as my practice as a coach.
We’ll get into more of the details of what IFS proposes as a framework for our inner world in this article. But first I’d like to list some of the major gifts IFS has given me in my life:
Imposter syndrome is a symptom, not the problem itself. The real problem is that you’ve forgotten who you are. You’ve forgotten your worth and where it comes from.
This article will help you remember.
Somewhere along the line, usually in early childhood, you got the message, “No, no, no. It’s not okay to be you as you are. In order to get your needs met, in order to be loved, in order to literally survive, you must be _________.”
Fill in the blank with whatever message you were told about who and how you were supposed to be. Maybe it…
Trauma-informed coach who helps women reclaim their identity so they can embody their worth, live powerfully, and have healthy relationships. @justjordinjames